Mostly Ex-Intern


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Had to call to get her to even look at her phone
I’m just gonna lay here some more and hate myself

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Why it sucks to be sick:

Since I was five and a half years old, I have lived mostly at my mother’s house. My mom moved us back to the state she grew up in, Minnesota, the state where her best friend and most of her family still lived. A few years later, it became all of her family when my uncle and aunt and cousins moved back here as well. We spent four or so years after that living in my grandparents’ basement, seeing them everyday for the half of the year that they lived in the state. For a few years after that, we lived one state away in Minnesota, and then we moved back. We’ve been here since.

My mom grew up here, stayed here for college, only left when my dad took her with him when he went to grad school. It was the first time she’d ever lived more than an hour from home.

We were raised by her in a very tactile sense. Hugs everyday, almost constant human contact. Even if she was mad she would still try to smother you in hugs after she was done screaming and crying and generally making you feel like a shit human being. My entire life I was raised in a family where you could hug and snuggle near constantly but you were also very tight-assed and proper. No inappropriateness.

In this sense I was different from my family. Unlike my younger brother, I had spent five years of my life with my father, who while only moderately less tactile, was much more open in his friendliness and affection. He also had, and has, a fairly twisted and inappropriate sense of humor. I got that from him.

I get into fights a lot with my family but if I go too long without someone touching or holding me or letting me hold them, I get antsy and depressed. When my mom is mad nowadays, she purposefully avoids me until I feel guilty enough to come crawling back. At least then I can feel warm and held.

When you’re sick, none of that matters. You keep your goddamn distance and suck it up. If you come near for a hug or whatnot, you’ll get shoved away unless it’s a quick hug to the back either from them to you or you to them. No prolonged contact. No contact more than usually once a day maybe.

To be sick means to be cut off from the one thing you were raised in abundance with.

And if you’re me, everything you say or do is met with skepticism and frustrated disbelief.

You aren’t puking so you aren’t really sick.

This is just an excuse to avoid going to school.

Either you go or I’m taking you to the doctors.

Don’t forget to do the dishes and laundry but don’t come upstairs while your grandparents are over we don’t want them getting sick.

(Oh your brother has a sniffle it’s okay baby boy you can stay home and play on your computer it doesn’t matter)

Go to school, you’re overreacting.

Stay away from me I don’t want to catch whatever it is you have.

Go away.

If you’re me, you’re never sick. Even if you are, you aren’t. And if you dare try to act like it, you’re suddenly abandoned and treated like a lying scum sucking bitch.

The only thing that makes it hurt worse is the only friend you have in this godforsaken town. The only thing that makes it worse is if you text her, and the next response you get is a frustrated explanation three days later.

To be sick is to be a disease yourself.

Filed under just ranting not like anyone reads anything i post anyways im a disease here just the same

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Fuck Buddy Application

Availability (How busy/not busy are you.) :
Soft or Rough?:
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Yes [] No []
Dominant or Submissive? (Or both.):
Some (Or all) of my turn on’s:
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My mom had me take one of my brother’s fast melts because of the weird itchiness in the back of my throat im really tired now holy shit i may pass out

My mom had me take one of my brother’s fast melts because of the weird itchiness in the back of my throat im really tired now holy shit i may pass out

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Hey guys

Someone push me off my bed

It’s too big to fall off now and I need to get to my laptop to plug in my phone so I can update

Also #1 most fucking annoying thing about having no voice is the fact that I can’t fucking swear at people I wanted to tell my brother to go suck a dick cuz he was being a dork ass and I just made this gross squeak noise and ugh

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So he did the only thing he could; hide in the alleys away from the other boys, find comfort from his only real friend. That night he realized he wasn’t alone. As the Outsider approached, the boy barely even noticed as his hand began to itch. From then on the boy felt different. He was no longer afraid and he sought out his tormentors. He swarmed over them with the stuff of nightmares…

(Source: justathugthatcanbendbullets, via carvedwhalebones)